What is a “Spit Fetish”?
Question: My partner has a kink for spitting - and I’m just not sure if I’m into it. What can I do?
What a spit kink actually is.
A spit kink refers to being sexually aroused by spitting - either spitting on a partner or having them spit on you. It's (usually) related to consensual degradation play. A kink is different from a fetish - although they are closely related. A kink is a sexual desire or practice that falls outside of the "normative" or vanilla cultural script of what "sex" is - basically anything that isn't PIV heterosexual sex.
A fetish is something people need during a sexual experience in order to be fully sexually satisfied. In this case, spitting would have to be a part of the person's sexual experience in order for them to enjoy it fully.
How spit fetishes manifest and take form.
A spit kink can manifest in many, many ways and it can't be broken down into a simple list - because people are very sexually varied and creative.
Most of the time, spitting is a part of Dom/sub degradation play. This means the sub enjoys being degraded, humiliated, and sometimes treated like an object or animal. Spitting is conventionally seen as something very disrespectful - in an everyday context - so this is why it can be so erotic. Often what we find arousing is in direct conflict with what society says we can or can't do.
What to do if you think spitting is straight up gross.
Spitting won't be for everyone and if it really puts you off and you don't like it, you're not obligated to participate in it. We should always be empathetic and kind to partners, but that doesn't mean we always have to cater to their desires. There's nothing wrong with having a spitting fetish, but not everyone likes the same stuff.
There are lots of ways around this - maybe you can agree to do spitting sometimes, but not all the time. Perhaps there are other forms of degradation that would be more your fancy - like spanking, hot wax, bondage etc. It usually comes down to humiliation so there may be other ways to elicit these feelings without having to spit or be spit on.
Consent is key.
Consent is crucial for all sex acts, but it can be especially important when you're playing with humiliation play. Be sure to have a safe word so that if one partner is really triggered or not enjoying themselves, the play can stop and you can regroup. I prefer the traffic light system: Green means go, red means stop.
Take time for post play aftercare - this is when you cuddle, talk, shower etc. and decompress after an intense scene. Because degradation play can trigger feelings of shame, it's important that you take steps to buffer and care for each other's emotions.
XOXO Gigi
Part of this article originally appeared as an interview with VICE.
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