It’s OK to Question Your Sexuality Throughout Your Life
QUESTION: Is it OK and normal to question your sexuality during your life? Because I find that labels and stuff rarely work for me. Sometimes I feel really gay and other times heterosexual and other times some variation of queer. I’m just concerned this will lead people to reject me because I don’t seem to know what I want.
Sexuality can shift and change throughout someone's life.
Your sexual desires and behaviors may alter during different times in your life, depending on a host of bio-psycho-social factors. Human sexuality is far more complex than we give it credit for. We live in such a hetero-centric, male-dominated society, that is doesn't leave much room for exploring one's curiosity - and that's pretty messed up.
It's perfectly natural to want to try all kinds of different things - from spanking, to same sex relationships, to bondage, to threesomes, to who knows what else. But because we demonize anything that falls outside of the heterosexual, purity culture bubble, it's difficult to come to terms with one's one curiosity - which often leads to shame.
It’s fine if you don’t want to use labels at all, babe.
Labels are a patriarchal construct that with any luck, we can do away with in some distant future and allow people to just be themselves. Labels do serve a purpose. They allow marginalized sexualities to find their "people" and find support they need in a world that doesn't always accept them. Labels can serve as a way to help you understand your desires more clearly and to (hopefully) rid you of shame.
We have this ingrained idea that you "must" choose a label, but that's not necessarily true. It's also totally normal and natural to experiment with 'different' behaviors outside of your preferred label and not need to shift your label. For instance you may identify as heterosexual and have with a woman or gender queer person, you may date someone who isn't a cis man, or something in between - if you decide you're still heterosexual, that's your choice to make. That's really the bottom line: The only person who can choose your label (or to have no label, or more than one), is you.
Some advice for the curious amongst us:
Get explorative. Look online for sex workshops that can help you understand yourself a little better. Dame Products, O.School, CLIMAX, and OMGYes are great places to start. They have lots of resources that help you begin your journey towards self-discovery.
There are also plenty of online groups - Facebook, Reddit, etc. - that will likely fit with exactly what you're looking for and are curious about. The more information you have, the better you can start to understand and accept yourself.
XOXO Gigi
This article originally appeared as an interview with Women’s Health Magazine
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