What To Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Give You Blowjobs Anymore
Question: My partner used to give me a lot of oral and over the last few months, she’s stopped almost entirely. I’m not sure what to do about it. She says she doesn’t like it, but it’s important to me. What can I do?
Why people might stop giving blowjobs.
There are a lot of reasons why someone might not want to give oral sex to a penis because people are varied and enjoy different things in sex. Not everyone likes giving blowjobs. Some people may have a very sensitive gag reflex, others may find it uninteresting or boring, and others may not enjoy it because they don't like the taste, texture etc. of penises.
Why oral sex might decrease over time in a relationship.
All sex tends to decrease once we're comfortable in a relationship. This is why we need to be constantly changing it up. Our sex drives start to settle back into a neutral state because that doped up mix of brain chemicals from the beginning settle.
Trying new sex things, talking about sex, and being open to trying new things are how we reignite that fire. With oral sex particularly, a partner may well not really enjoy putting that much work into something they get very little out of - especially if that act is one-sided. You should give head if you expect to get head.
Talking to your partner.
Talking to your partner is a scary thing, but it's important to remember 3 things: Setting, Timing, and Tone. You should bring up your interest on neutral ground (not the bedroom), in a context wherein your partner is open to talking about sex, and use a kind, empathetic tone. And be willing to LISTEN to what your partner says and take feedback. I'd starter with, "I'm really interested in exploring more in our sex life. I really enjoy receiving oral sex and I think it could be really fun to try more things with that and see where the journey takes us."
Critically, you need to not make it all about you. What does your partner want in their sex life? What would they be interested in exploring? This is a journey for BOTH of you. It's not just about you showing up and asking for more blowjobs because that will not work.
Some tips to encourage some more oral sex.
Firstly, A person's reasons for not giving blowjobs are valid and if it is something your partner is not down to do, you're not owed blowjobs. In a partnership there is not "getting my partner to do this more" because sex is not a right in a relationship. It is a part of relationship that deserves to be taken seriously and treated with care, but you're not owed certain sex acts. if blowjobs are really important to you and your partner truly will NOT do it under any circumstances - and this is a serious problem, you might want to consider what this means for your relationships. There are workarounds but only if both people are willing to search for and explore a common middle ground/compromise.
Now, if this IS something your partner is open to trying more of, there are a lot of things you can do. Your partner could use a toy on themselves while they're going down on you, you could use a flavored lube (I like Good Head from Doc Johnson for this), they could avoid gagging or lockjaw by bringing in penis sleeves or simply using their hands to create space between their mouth and the penis. You don't need to ONLY use your mouth during oral. Get some toys and get creative with it. Because blowjobs in their "pure" form are a lot of work and can get tedious if you don't change it up.
XOXO GIGI
Part of this article originally appeared as an interview with AskMen.
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