People Fake Orgasms Because We Don't Teach Kids About Sex
Question: Why do people feel the need to fake it in bed? How is it possible that so many people don't think their partner ever fakes it, but the study shows that they often are?
Why people fake it in the first place.
Faking orgasms is a trial many women deal with. It feels almost universal. I know I’ve faked plenty of orgasms. Once you start faking it, it’s hard to stop. The depressing reality is that sex isn't taught in an egalitarian way - the Sex Equity Model (what we use in sexology) - wherein both partners are seen as inherent equals in pleasure. Pleasure is based around "male" (cis-het) pleasure and female pleasure is seen as a "bonus" but definitely not a requirement.
Additionally, sex ed, to put it in academic terms: Absolutely f-ing sucks. Most of us aren’t taught what a clitoris is in school, leaving many of us with porn as our main form of sex education. Not to knock porn, as it is highly entertaining, but there is little if any attention paid to the clitoris. There is also an absence of lube, something many of us need to have great sex. There are many other issues with using porn as a frame for real-life sex, but that is an article for another day.
When you’re not taught how your body works (ie: how to touch a clit), it’s easy to fall into step with your partner, pretending to come from jackhammer sex, while you’re really just waiting for this to be over.
How to stop faking orgasms: EDUCATION.
Firstly, we need better sex education. Fake orgasms hurt everyone. If people with clitorises aren't taught what it is or how it works, they don't know how to ask to be touched. If young penis owners are taught that vagina and wild humping will give a woman orgasms, they're going to think this is correct. It's not that guys are bad at sex, it's that EVERYONE is bad at sex.
When we fake orgasms, you wind up playing ourselves in the end because you end up in a fake orgasm loop. Your partner is in the dark they think they're doing all the right things due to the faking. Meanwhile, faking an orgasm can lead to resentment, sexual frustration, and other bigger issues in relationships. Plus, you're doing a disservice to your partner, as they are not learning the right moves to give pleasure to a future partner. Which means his next partner may fake orgasms .... and the cycle will continue.
Be open with kids about sexuality.
This doesn't mean sexualizing children - it simply means giving them information when they ask questions, using the correct names for body parts, and making it clear that sexuality is a part of the human experience just like everything else. We teach children how to have proper manners and be nice to others, but when it comes to sex we're blinded.
Be open with kids about sexual!ty. This doesn't mean sexualizing children - it simply means giving them information when they ask questions, using the correct names for body parts, and making it clear that sexuality is a part of the human experience just like everything else.
This “wrongness” isn’t real. It’s a creation we’ve designed. When you stop acting ashamed of sex, it stops being shameful. When you act like it’s normal and decide that it’s normal, it becomes normal.
Society has that power. Be a part of the positive change in the world. Stay golden, unicorn babies.
XOXO Gigi
This article originally appeared as an interview with Best Life Online.
Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.
