Question: Most people go to their favorite sex toy to masturbate. But how can you masturbate effectively using just your hands?

I want to chat a little today about pegging. Y’all know I am a fan, but did you know that having aftercare when you peg is some of the most important aftercare in the world? Let me break it down.

Aftercare in pegging is so, so important because of the subversion of socially expected roles we find ourselves in. We need to check in and make sure everyone had a good time - and not just after, but during. While pegging is not shameful and should be enjoyed (safely) by one and all, it can sometimes bring up feelings of shame due to the sex-negative messages many of us faced growing up, and gender norms that have pigeon holed us into brackets of what it means to be a "man" or a "women."

While the logical mind tells us that sex is normal and healthy, our subconscious can store these shameful messages. After sex - especially non-vanilla sex -that wonderful post-orgasmic high can die down and your body can suddenly unearth the subconscious shame. This might be especially relevant if one or more parties was raised within a conservative or religious background.

Couples who practice aftercare will naturally develop closer, more intimate bonds with their partners than those who don’t. After sex, we’re particularly vulnerable. We’re naked, we’ve (hopefully) just had an orgasm, and our bodies are awash in oxytocin and dopamine. We need to ensure that a positive state of mind continues.

It doesn’t matter if you’re friends with benefits, in a long-term relationship, a one-night-stand, or married; aftercare is still important. While it may seem odd to engage in aftercare with someone you’re not seriously dating, it’s still important - because pegging can be extremely intense both physically and emotionally.

It’s not about making someone fall in love with you or trying to make a more serious relationship out of something casual. It’s about making sure everyone is cared for with respect and tenderness so that they can leave a sexual experience feeling good about themselves. When you engage in the practice of aftercare after pegging and make sure the person is feeling good, you're feeling good, and everyone had a nice time - it's much easier to try it all again.

So, take care, my darlings. Proceed with caution and have a good time.

XOXO Gigi

Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.