What is a Throuple?
Question: What exactly is a throuple? How does it work and is it something people should try?
What exactly is a throuple?
A throuple is a relationship that includes three people - rather than a couple (2 people), there is a third person in the mix. Other words for throuple include triad, three-way relationship, or closed triad. Throuple is adapted from couple - likely to make it a bit more accessible to the general public since these relationships are not the "norm."
Often three-way relationships are considered highly taboo and exist in secret because people fear judgement and that makes me very sad. Everyone should be able to love whomever they want freely and without impunity.
Love is a very complicated thing and while monogamy may be the most common way we see people get together, this is a socially constructed notion. Monogamy really began around the time of plough agriculture when women became property and men worked the land. Before that, people existed in egalitarian group settings, women often having multiple partners wherein the men of the tribe were engaged in a collective fatherhood of all the children.
So, the point being - there is nothing wild or crazy about non-monogamy. Humans are "naturally" monogamous, we're socialized to be monogamous. That doesn't make monogamy bad or wrong, but it does help to understand where it comes from so we don't fall into the sinister trap of judging others for very ok and human behaviors.
Triad vs. Open Relationships: A complicated matter.
You can't generalize too much here because every single triad, open couple, throuple etc. exist with their own ideas of what their relationship is and what it means. So, what might be an open relationship to one group might be an open triad to another. Basically, we're still nailing down a lot of the language around non-monogamy as it's often seen as taboo and we don't have socially accepted terms or definitions for most things - we're still all figuring it out.
But, in most cases, a throuple is a three-way relationship with three distinct people whereas an open marriage consists of a primary couple who practice non-monogamy with other people. A throuple usually (but not always) consists of a romantic relationship between the three people and an open marriage is often sexual relationships outside of the couple.
Again, not always.
Some couples engage romantically and have other boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners in open marriages - and some throuples practice openness and still have other relationships outside of the primary triad. The main difference is we're dealing with a primary couple in the open marriage and a primary throuple in a triad - other relationships are usually considered secondary to these primary relationships. But again, not always.
It boils down to: It's complicated.
If you are in a CLOSED triad, that means you are in a three-way, closed relationship. Meaning a three-person relationship wherein you don't see other people outside of the throuple. Some throuples exist where all partners are engaged with each other sexually, some only engage in three-way sex, etc. The rules are ironed out by the people inside of the relationship. It may sound sexy, but these relationships are 1% sex and 99% talking and negotiating.
The beautiful and positive aspects of being in a trouple.
There are lots of positives to being in a throuple - the main things I'll point out are variety, more love, and communication.
Human beings are naturally quite curious creatures and being in a three-way relationship makes room for so much exploration in the bedroom and in life. You can really throw out the rule book of what is "normal" and customize your own relationship to fit your needs. It's such a beautiful adventure if this is something you really want to do. That's an important thing to remember: All three people need to be naturally non-monogamous and open to being in the throuple. A super HELL YES attitude is needed to make it work.
Love is so amazing and having three people means having a whole lot more love available to you! As a clinician, I think this is such a beautiful and human thing to enjoy inside of a three-way relationship and one of the things that makes it so appealing to practitioners. When you're someone who has a ton of love to give and loves being in love, what could be better than being in love with two people at once and everyone being so happy about it? There is the potential for exponential joy.
A huge factor in all non-monogamous and poly relationships is communication. Everyone needs to be checking in all the time. Like I said above, talking is the most important thing in triads. You need to be sure everyone is enjoying themselves, ironing out kinks, mediating arguments and managing multiple relationships. In a triad you're not just dealing with one, three-person relationship. You're dealing with the relationships of: Person 1 & Person 2; Person 1 & Person 3; Person 2 & 3; The relationship between 1, 2, and 3. There is a LOT of management (sexually, time, romantically, emotionally, financially etc) involved and they are only for people who can handle it.
The complications that come with alternative relationships: Jealousy.
Jealousy is usually the biggest complication in a triad. Jealousy is not a bad thing and can actually be used to get into deeper issues one or more partners are having. Usually the jealousy is coming from a place of insecurity, social pressure, or a feeling of being "left out." It is completely natural and OK to be jealous - but you do have to be open about it and courageously challenge it head on with the help of your other couples.
When handled with love and empathy, you can uproot the green monster and come to a place of compersion - where you feel happiness and joy seeing your partner with someone else and enjoy all being together. You find joy in their joy. It is a place of acceptance and love. Jealousy will continue to pop up, but as long as it's handled delicately and quickly, it doesn't need to uproot your relationship.
XOXO Gigi
This article originally appeared as an interview with Health.
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