Could Soft Penetration Be The Answer for Your ED?
Question: I’ve been having erection issues. I just get really nervous I won’t be able to perform and most of the time, I’m right. What can I do?
In case you didn’t know: Erection issues are incredibly common.
Studies have consistently shown that one in three assigned male at birth (AMAB) people will experience erectile difficulties at some point in their lives. And as AMAB people get older, this number rises to over 50%.
A big problem in our erection education stems from our downright wretched sex education and the social understanding of what “sex” means. You know what I mean, right? We live in a world where hard penises are NEEDED for good sex (not true), and that these hard penises should be ready to rock’n’roll at the drop of a hat. Who can even live up to that standard?
Ironically, this shortsighted focus on the importance of erections likely plays a huge role in why so many people experience erectile issues. The message AMAB people get is that if you can’t get a hard wiener, you’re not going to be good at sex. This can create performance anxiety.
We put too much pressure on hard dicks to get any dicks hard.
But what to do about a world that focuses too much on hard dicks and not enough on pleasure? Enter soft penetration. Yeah, and it’s exactly what it sounds like: penetrating with a soft peen.
Now, this is only one in a long list of interventions that can be utilized for unreliable erections, but I thought it would be helpful to really dive deep here and give you all the best information I have on this very cool (albeit a little weird-sounding) exercise.
Understanding the Science of Erection
Fundamental to this process is understanding exactly how erections happen and the reasons why they can stop seemingly out of nowhere sometimes. Erections are fickle beasts. They are born out of incredibly complex physiological and psychological processes in the body and brain.
Let’s break down how this even happens.
Blood flows into the chambers of the penis and causes the penis to become erect. During an erection, the blood flow stops because of the veins compressing. Keeping the blood in the penis is what makes the penis hard.
This is a complex process that comes from signals in the brain sent to the tissues. When the signal starts in the tissue, the tissue sends a signal to the brain, which sends a signal to the tissue. And on and on.
When it’s time for the erection to bid us adieu, a signal is sent from the brain that says, “We’re good. Go to bed.” And the erection goes down.
Now, when it comes to erectile dysfunction, things get even more complicated. Because when we’re nervous, ashamed, scared, worried, etc., the body receives a message from the brain that says, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??! THIS IS DANGEROUS! GO AWAY, HARD PEEN!” And away it does go.
The Basics of Soft Penetration
So what’s with soft penetration? It’s when you take a soft (or not fully erect) penis and allow it to penetrate a vagina or anus. This is usually used for vaginal penetration, as anuses are very tight, but it can be utilized for either.
The logic behind this is relatively straightforward once you know how erections happen: Soft penetration takes the pressure off of the need to “perform.” It helps clients gain confidence and control over their bodies and pleasure.
You want to take the flaccid penis and “feed” it into the vagina or anus. You do this by holding the base of the penis in order to make it as rigid as possible while inserting it.
Be sure to stay mindful and breathe deeply throughout the practice. Remember to check in with your body, because it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling.
Engage with each other. Grind, touch, kiss. Maybe the penis gets hard, maybe it doesn’t. This isn’t the point. The point is to create intimacy without the need for hard-ons.
Why This Can Really Help With Erection Issues
Learning to penetrate a partner when soft can help you begin to connect with your body and feel more in control. This allows for a way to have penetrative sex without the need to have an erection - which is a huge game-changer. No pressure, no problem.
Practicing soft PIV (or PIA) penetration can increase emotional and sexual connection in the relationship and reduce performance anxiety and goal orientation in sex. By practicing this, you have the potential to develop greater genital awareness, stay present in the moment, and begin to remove concerns about gaining or maintaining an erection.
We’d like to leave you with a message that is always worth repeating: Erections are not the center of good sex. There are so many fun and pleasurable sexual things you can do without the presence of an erection (or a penis, for that matter).
Expanding the ways we think of pleasure and intimacy is a huge part of having a wonderful, complex, beautiful sex life.
XOXO Gigi
Part of this article originally appeared on TheBody.
Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.