A Glossary of Terms in Consensual Non-Monogamy
Question: There are so many CNM terms. Can you define some of them?
Kitchen table polyamory
KTP is a style of polyamory where everyone gets along with their metamores. Everyone in the polycule could sit down and enjoy a friendly meal together. The polycule members all have close relationships with one another. That doesn’t mean that each person is sexually or romantically involved, but there is a baseline of friendship, communication, and mutual respect. The KTP dynamic is different from other multi-partner relationships styles (open relationships, closed polycules etc.) in that it has an emphasis on open communication and friendship (or more) between all partners involved.
Don't ask, don't tell
This denotes a "rule" in a partnership where both partners can have sex outside of the relationship, but they don't ask each other or tell each other about the sex outside of the relationship.
Garden party polyamory
GPP is like kitchen table polyam, but the relationships between non-romantic partners in the polycule aren't super close. You still like and respect each other, but their aren't really friendships. GGP denotes a level of closeness where if one of your shared partners was hosting a garden party, you'd feel comfortable going their and interacting with other metamores.
Parallel Polyamory
“Parallel Polyam,” in which multiple relationships exist in parallel to each other, but metamours don’t meet each other. There are many different styles of relationship that we could dig into here, but alas, that would take an entire book.
Swingers
Swingers are people who are in sexually open, but romantically closed relationships. Couples usually play together with other couples, but how this plays out will vary depending on how each partnership wants to function. Swingers is a bit of a retro term - and most younger people have taken to simply calling themselves "open" instead.
Triad
A triad is a three-person relationship. This relationship is usually closed to the partners within the relationship, but not always. Some triads have sexual or romantic partners outside of the primary three members. This is sometimes referred to as a "throuple."
Quad
A quad is a four person relationship. It may be closed to the four people within the dynamic, or it may have space for other romantic and sexual partners - but the quad is the primary relationship.
Consensual non-monogamy
CNM is a relationship style that allows for romantic and/or sexual relationships outside of a relationship. There are people who "practice" CNM and their are people who consider a true relationship orientation. It emphasizes consent, open communication, and trust.
Ambiamorous
Ambiamorous is a term that typically refers to individuals who enjoy both monogamy as well as polyamory. Ambiamorous people generally have little or no preference between either one - but this will vary from person to person.
Comet
A comet in CNM refers to partners who isn't always in your life, but sometimes comes back into the picture at different times. Often a comet is someone who you have very strong feelings for, but for whatever reason, they aren't able to be in your life all the time - this could be due to relationship saturation, scheduling, or long-distance. This doesn't mean they aren't important relationships - they may be very important to the people within the partnership.
XOXO GIGI
Part of this blog originally appeared as an interview with Well+Good.