How Mindful Masturbation Can Take Your Orgasms to The Next Level
Question: I have trouble concentrating during sex. What can I do about that?
Do you find yourself pressed for time, forced to hurry and rub out a quick-and-dirty orgasm when you masturbate? While many people find themselves squeezing masturbation into their over-packed schedules, this might not be the best thing for your overall sexual wellness. Sure, it can be fun (and, frankly, necessary) sometimes, but not in every single instance.
The relationship with yourself is one that deserves proper care and attention. It needs TLC in the same way every other sexual and romantic relationship deserves TLC. You are your longest-lasting sex partner, babe.
Here is where mindful masturbation can make a huge difference in your life. While popping in and having a speedy orgasm can be convenient (and, yes, rad), masturbation should also be treated as a special and sacred practice. It is an opportunity to explore the connection between your mind and body. This, in turn, develops the relationship you have with yourself as a whole.
It’s pretty easy to get stuck in a rut when masturbating. When you know what works, you’re likely to stick to it. There is nothing wrong with this - but variation can be helpful. When practicing mindfulness, we work on being present and aware of our bodies and the sensations it is experiencing. By incorporating breathing techniques along with bringing awareness to your wandering mind, we can begin to direct our sexuality back into ourselves. It is about full embodiment, baby!
Mindful masturbation means tapping into all of your senses, slowing down, and enjoying everything that is happening in the moment. Ah, to stay in the present. What a luxury.
Now, to get this connection going in full force, you need to devote the time to it.
You may be thinking you don’t have enough free time to devote to your practice, but think about this way: If you skip one, single episode of that 30 minute Netflix show, you’ve made room for mindful masturbation. You only need a half hour. No matter how busy you are, you have 30 minutes somewhere in your day.
With all this being said, mindful masturbation isn’t for everyone - you might be totally happy with your current routine. And we are not judging that life. This practice is for the curious among us who want to have more embodied, powerful orgasms - and who want to be more in touch with themselves on a granular level.
Weirdly enough, mindfulness isn’t even about orgasms. It’s about connection. You move towards pleasure, not climax. If you orgasm, great. If not, it will still be lovely and pleasurable to touch yourself in a meaningful way. The more you engage in embodiment, the more intense sensations can become.
Here is everything you need to know about mindful masturbation so that you can start to imagine your sexuality in a more holistic way.
1. Set the mood to get the fire going.
We need to start with a positive mindset. At first, this can feel a bit silly. After all, you’re masturbating. Who is there to seduce? Well, you, babe. Consider your mindful masturbation practice as a date with yourself. You are in the driver’s seat in the creation of this date. You want to make a sexy, inviting space that turns YOU on to be in.
This can look however you want it to look. Put on some soothing music, light your favorite candles, take a long, hot bath. Whatever it is that works for you is the way to go. Unwinding and relaxing is key to embodiment because when our nervous systems are activated by stress, our bodies turn-off our libido. It’s an ancient protection mechanism from back when we had to fight off wild animals and hunt for food.
Once you’re feeling relaxed and ready, start touching yourself all over. Awaken your energies. Start by touching your arms, inner thighs, stomach, and hands. You can also try incorporating some light sensation tools, such as a silk scarf or a feather. Bring in anything that creates different sensations on your skin.
2. Practice the art of deep breathing.
To be present in your body, breath is everything. Mastering deep belly breathing (also known as diaphragmatic breathing), is a key element in relaxation and calming your highly sensitive nervous system.
By learning how to do this you’re allowing your body to inhale all the oxygen and energy it needs, which can help you feel more connected and present in your body. When exhaled, all that breath carries stress out of your body, allowing you to feel more grounded. This might take some practice. Patience is key.
The 4, 8, 7 Breathing Method can be very helpful for this.
How to do it:
Breathe in and hold the breath for 4 counts. Breathe out for 7 counts. Then, breathe in for 8
out for 4. Repeat 3Xs. Try to be mindful of your breathing. Feel your lungs expanding and retracting. It can help to make a fist when breathing in and then to relax the hands when breathing out.
3. Change up the routine to keep your body guessing.
When you know what works, it can be hard to step away from it. From the time we’re young, we begin to develop patterns of masturbation that suit us. We stick with these patterns because they are tried and true. Without proper sex education or an understanding of pleasure in sex, we don’t have much to go, on other than trial and error.
Vulva-owners already deal with a host of pressures to have orgasms in extremely fast, unrealistic ways (read: pornified views of sexuality). Because of this, the thought of trying something new can be overwhelming and anxiety provoking.
Remember, this isn’t about messing up your ability to orgasm or forcing pleasure in ways that aren’t right for you. It’s about exploring your body and opening yourself up to new horizons.
Some ways to get curious: Try different positions, varying the type of touch you use, and get yourself some high quality lube. A great resource for learning new and interesting methods of masturbation is OMG Yes. I cannot recommend it enough as a resource. It is a masturbatory revolution all in one, straightforward video series.
4. Get yourself some toys.
Introducing a sex toy into the bedroom brings new life to your self-love sexual experiences. It’s an opportunity to try something new and a little naughty. We need to keep it interesting - especially with ourselves.
I recommend going for something small and non-phallic like the Osuga Cuddly Bird toy. What makes this toy so special is that it isn’t like your classic vibrator. It is a clitoral sucking toy. This toy surrounds the clitoris with air and suction, creating a similar sensation to oral sex. Plus, it’s absolutely adorable and not scary at all. It is next level, folx.
If you’re into G-spot stimulation, the MoonFlow is unlike any toy you’ve ever experienced. It doesn’t even look like a sex toy - it looks like a beauty appliance. It’s powerful, whisper quiet, and very fun for self-exploration.
Lots of people get intimidated by sex toys, but they really shouldn’t! Sex toys are TOYS. They’re additions to make sex even more enjoyable. Orgasms are amazing and you should have as many as you want, however you want.
XOXO Gigi
Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.