Why Is My Sex Drive So Low?
QUESTION: Why are some people dealing with low libido right now? How are lockdowns continue to affect us when it comes to sex?
During lockdown, there seem to be two different ways people are approaching sex, whether it’s with themselves or with a partner. One the one hand with have the people with the “Lockdown Hornies,” or the ones who have reported that that their sex lives (whether single or partnered) have skyrocketed since the start of isolation. These are the people responsible for the truly staggering increase in sex toy ownership over the last few months. Many sex toy companies (all of them, probably) have reported an increase in sex toys sales by up to 300% in April 2020 compared to the same month the previous year. People are really expanding their sex lives and comfort around toys, which is great to see.
But then there are people with the LockDown Flop: A plunging libido and general malaise around sex, which is also very understandable.
Some people are so anxious about the state of the world (the global pandemic, racial tensions, etc) that their desire has taken a nosedive. This is not gender specific. People of all genders can experience anxiety around sex, and these issues can often operate in a vicious cycle. Performance anxiety can cause general anxiety and vice versa, especially because we don’t recognize the impact anxiety and other psychological issues can have on sexual performance, arousal and desire. Studies have shown this to be true for both men and women. The numbers show a downward slope in sexual desire to be the more common theme. According to data from an NBC poll of 9,000 people, 24% said the coronavirus outbreak had positively affected their sex lives where as 47% reported said it had affected them negatively.
Whatever the situation is right now, if it's completely normal. These are unprecedented times, the likes of which we've never seen before.
Don't beat yourself up about it. If you're interested in increasing libido, get curious. Desire for sex is not an inherent human "drive" like we've been told it is - desire is born out of our brain and body's reciprocal reward system. Meaning we are more likely to want sex if we have positive sexual experiences. The better the sex we have, the more sex we want. So, if your libido is low, it's time to explore your desire and your pleasure. Get sex a sex toy. Find porn and smut you actually like (check out Erica Lust, Deeper.com, PinkLabelTv and other indie producers who are making porn with more than just the male gaze in mind). Figure out what makes you orgasm. The more orgasms you have, the more your desire to have them will grow. When we don't have orgasms, our sexual energy runs dry. The fire can't start without your preparing the kindling and lighting the match.
XOXO Gigi
This article originally appeared as an interview with Glamour UK.
Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.