What Are The Different Kinds of Swinging?
QUESTION: My partner and I are considering swinging, but the whole thing feels super overwhelming. Are there different ways to swing?
Swinging (or "the lifestyle")
Swingers, as you likely know, are people who have recreational sex with others but don’t necessarily pursue romantic relationships with them.
People use both terms but a lot of people prefer “in the lifestyle” to get away from the idea of swinging as being kind of an old-school term. But others are reclaiming swinging as a term and love using it. It's making a comeback for sure.
While swingers don't form love connections with partners (like poly people), this doesn’t mean that swingers don’t form social connections with their partners. Many swingers function in pair bonds (the couple that is primary who swings together), but a significant portion of swingers also go out on their own in forming social connections within the community.
Soft swap swinging
Most often practiced by couples new to the lifestyle, soft swap generally refers to sex without penetration. How soft swinging plays out is subjective and each couple will determine what is on and off the table. The boundaries should be negotiated ahead of time with everyone involved in the soft swap.
Full swap swinging
On the other end of the spectrum, “full swap” generally means that a couple is into experiencing the full gamut of their sexual practices. Although this usually involves more intense safer sex practices in place with new partner(s) - or partners who also swing with others. All couples in the lifestyle - and everyone, really - should be getting tested regularly for STIs.
BDSM in non-monogamy
Swinging can also involve kink. BDSM is not entirely for the non-monogamists and can present in any relationship form - but in swinging this can also be present. It may involve actual se or it may not - it depends on the context and couple.
Open relationship
The term open-relationship is an umbrella term for the way that most non-monogamous people really function.
This can look like:
polyam folx who require a romantic commitment before any sexual activity
or swingers who don’t even need to exchange names before getting down