Question: I’m thinking about bringing in a third person for a threesome in my relationship. But what if I get jealous? How does this all work?

What happens if you develop feelings for a third? Or visa versa?

It's important to really examine these feelings. Sex comes with heightened emotions and can come with subsequent feelings. Be sure to communicate with your partner, ask for empathy, and consider what you'd like to do moving forward. If you develop feelings for a third, you could use this as an opportunity to explore your relationship dynamics and see if possibly explore polyamory is right for you.

But in most cases, developing feelings is temporary and comes out of highly emotive states -- which deserve time and attention. When we have sex with someone new, we're flooded with NRE -- a mixture of a lot of positive neurochemicals. Explore the 'why' of these feelings, and be willing to interrogate if they are real or if it's just exciting for you.

What to do with post-threesome jealousy.

1. Take some time to sit and reflect on your feelings. Jealousy is a normal human emotion but is usually a symptom of something happening in the relationship -- explore what it is you feel you aren't getting or a need that isn't being met and work on it.

2. Take a small break from threesomes in order to do processing and considering why these feelings have been brought up.

3. Think about boundaries and what you (and your partner) would need to feel more secure in your next experience.

Dealing with the possibilities of STIs.

Always get tested for STIs regularly. Share your status. Understand that some STIs are not tested for (HPV and herpes) and be aware of this. Reduce shame because STIs do happen. They are a part of being sexually active. Inform all parties involved if you get diagnosed and seek treatment ASAP.

How to deal with social awkwardness during threesomes.

There are countless scenarios that can bring up awkwardness - after all, you're not only meeting someone new, sex is involved. Have a bit of empathy for yourself and them. Be open about how you're feeling and communicative. Think on what you'd need to feel more comfortable - and set boundaries accordingly. Sex should be fun, not a draining experience. But know that all people feel awkward in threesomes, no matter how seasoned you are. We're human. Don't be afraid to take breaks, have some chats, watch a show, or just hang out. 

Now, what about unplanned pregnancy in a threesome situation?

Always use protection. Latex barrier methods are highly effective when used correctly. Make sure everyone involved is aware of what kind of birth control everyone is on and take measures accordingly. It can be helpful to have a gameplan should pregnancy occur, but if you're using condoms, you should be in the clear.

Safer sex is sexy.

The issue of performance anxiety.

This is super common. Erections are very hard to sustain when we're feeling anxious or feel a need to perform. Focus on other forms of sex if you can't get hard. It happens to everyone.

How to establish boundaries.

Have a gameplan with your partner. It's ok to have a safe word that indicates you're not comfortable with what's going on. Have a plan for after the threesome and let them know this isn't working for you -- put them in an uber.

Uneven distribution - If you're feeling left out or are leaving someone out, what are some tips to navigate this?

Always have toys present. There WILL be times when you feel left out. It happens. Stimulate yourself during these times and enjoy the show they're putting on. You're with three people. It happens.

XOXO GIGI

Part of this blog originally appeared as an interview with AskMen