Question: My partner and I are thinking about buying a strap-on, but we’re so intimidated and don’t know where to start. What do we do?

Why use a strap on?

There are a lot of different reasons why somebody might use a strap. It might be that you're in a relationship with two vulvas and, therefore, someone will want to experience penetration. 

You might want to wear the strap-on because you don't have the experience of having a penis and perhaps want to feel what that is like. But you may also simply want to wear one because you just enjoy wearing a strap-on. You definitely don't necessarily want to have a penis, if you want to use one. 

You also want to try a strap on to engage with your more toppy energy. It can also be about wanting to be dominant. 

You might also want to use a strap-on if you’re interested in anal play. So that might be a draw. There’s an idea out there if you have a penis, you can’t use a strap and that isn’t true. They can actually really particularly interesting for people who experience issues or unreliable erections because a strap can give you the opportunity to penetrate your with the strap, rather than penis. It can be a good bridge for some people. 

Who is strap-on sex for?

Strap-on sex is for anyone. Anyone in any body can enjoy this kind of play. You can experience it with vaginal penetration and anal penetration. They’re very accessible.

You can also strap on if you want to give it a blow job. That's definitely something you can do. So anyone  can enjoy it in various ways. 

Selecting the right strap for you.

Selecting the right strap-on really depend on your preferences. 

The main ones are cloth and leather If you want a more kinky strap on, you might want something that's leather. You just wipe those down for cleanup. 

For cloth ones, the clean up is even easier. You throw them in the washing machine. 

The classic straps you'll see look like jock straps, and others look like boxer shorts. I think the boxer short straps are especially great for people who experience gender dysphoria, who may not want to wear a kind of bikini/jockstrap-style underwear. These could potentially make you comfortable feel more aligned with your gender and feel less dysphoric.

But, do keep in mind that this really depends your preferences, what you're looking for and what can make you feel more comfortable. Ultimately, it’s about what makes you feel most comfortable in your body while you're having that experience. 

Why people might find strap-ons a bit ~intimidating.~

I think people find straps a bit intimidating because of the way they look, at least to some extent. They can look quite phallic. But, not all of them do that’s very important to keep in mind.  

They may also be intimidating because strapping is a bit of a process. You have to get the strap on, then you have to get the harness, then grab they right size like dildo to be sure it’s compatible with your strap. It really can feel like a bit of a whole thing. 

For beginners, using strap-ons can feel like leveling up. 

When it comes to anal play specifically, I think can be a bit intimidating because having anal with a dildo is not exactly vanilla. You're getting penetrated in the bum, after all. It’s all about understanding that this is totally normal and doable, no matter who you are or your gender. 

How to get comfortable with your strap-on (and strap-on sexy times).

Firstly, you need to take it really slowly. Don't go immediately for hardcore penetration or pounding. Take time to get used to it and try it in different ways. 

Get to know your strap, as woo-woo as that sounds. Look at it, touch it, get unaccustomed to the feel of it in your hands and in and around your genitals. 

For couples looking to try strap play for the first time, it can be really great is to purchase your strap-on and your dildo together. It can really serve as a bonding experience.

Do your research on strap-ons. There are plenty of articles online that explain the whole whole shebang on how to use them, where to buy them, which ones to buy, etc. The more educated you get, the more comfortable you get, and then the easier it will be to actually use them. 

And then lastly, a big thing that that can help you feel less intimidated about using it is having it right there and ready to go when you want it. Instead of having it in a box in the closet, have it next to the bed o a hook or in a toy box. Have it like strapped, clean, and with the right dildo all ready to go. This way, if you want to use it, you can really just grab it, throw it on and go.

XOXO GIGI

Part of this blog post originally appeared as an interview with Mashable.