This is how you actually do impact play during sex safely.
Question: I’ve always been so curious about impact play. Any advice on doing it safely for beginners?
Impact play is sort of an umbrella term for all things sexual involving hitting or being hit with an object in a safe and consensual way.
Impact play involves all sorts of impact-related thing like slapping, spanking, punching, etc. You can also use equipment other than your hands, such as paddles, whips, floggers, or something you find around the house.
Is your interest piqued? Would you say that chains and whips excite you? (Sorry)
Impact play is one of the cornerstone practices in the BDSM community. But it’s not just for dungeons. Impact play can be used by anyone. The key is doing it safely.
It’s basically an umbrella term for getting hit with things, or hitting a partner with objects, as a way to heighten sexual arousal and up the ante on Dom/sub power dynamics.
If you’re interested in learning how to be an expert with a whip, flogger, or crop, or just feel like that booty deserves a (very consensual) hiding, look no further.
Let’s immerse ourselves into the seductive universe of impact play and all that it involves.
What is impact play?
If it’s not clear by now, impact play is using objects (or hands, etc.) to hit or be hit. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. It might sound pretty straightforward, but impact play is nothing short of an art (when done correctly and safely).
This modality within the BDSM community offers a Dominant and submissive partner the chance to explore tactile sensation, pain play, and physical endurance. Plus, it just feels really, really good.
Here are some examples of impact play:
Flogging.
Paddling.
Caning.
Spanking (with hands or tools).
Using a crop.
There are plenty more ways to enthusiastically smack someone around. You can get really creative with it.
Why impact play is so appealing.
It makes sense why people would love this, from a neurobiological perspective. The same areas of the brain light up when you feel pain as when you feel pleasure. Our nervous systems are incredibly intricate. When we feel pain, our central nervous system releases endorphins. These hormones are designed to stop pain. When we experience this rush of endorphins, it can lead to pleasure, causing a dizzying euphoria.
Some people are just really, really into pain. People who enjoy pain for sexual pleasure are called masochists - and they make up the “M” in BDSM. It helps to reinforce kink dynamics — specifically D/s dynamics, wherein impact play can be used punishment or reward, depending on the context of the scene.
There is a caveat here that we need to clarify: Not all impact play is pain play.
It may sound like getting spanked or smacked with a paddle is all about causing an ouchie response, but everyone experiences impact play differently and caters their level of impact accordingly. Some people enjoy an impact that gives them deep sensation without going into the realm of pain. They are into the tactile sensation and the power dynamics.
However you enjoy your impact, it’s totally valid.
The importance of safety and consent.
There is absolutely nothing more important in impact play (and all play) than safety and consent. Each scene that involves impact play needs to be highly negotiated between partners. We’re talking about literally hitting people with objects.
Sure, it’s fun, but it is NO joke. Players need to get wise about anatomy, how to hit someone properly without causing injury etc. This takes time, study, and patience.
Communication is so, so key. You can’t just go hitting someone without fully and completely negotiating it beforehand. Anything else can be highly traumatic. Sorry to have to say this to y’all, but hitting someone without their consent is straight up domestic violence.
The safety and consent checklist:
Do your homework. You need to know which parts of the body are safe to hit and which aren’t.
Practice makes perfect. Both partners need to be fully aware of the risks involved in their chosen activities as well as the skill needed to perform them well.
Thoroughly discuss the scene: What are your boundaries? Do you have a safe word? What tools will you be using?
Have an aftercare plan in place to ensure both partners have time and space to emotionally “come down.”
Check in regularly throughout the scene to be sure everyone is enjoying themselves.
How to get started.
First of all, if you’re a novice, the best place to start is with spanking, either using a hand, riding crop, or a ruler. You could also use a plastic spatula or a wooden spoon. We have so many great items available at home and we love that for us. And go slowly! check in throughout the experience and see what worked and what didn’t. You want to co-create a foundation and then go from there.
Start with the butt. It’s meatier and you have less of a risk of bruising. Always check in with your partner and be sure they are comfortable and enjoying the experience. Start with the meaty part of the butt — this is the easiest and safest place to be playing.
If you decide you enjoy playing with impact, you can always invest in specialty gear. Many sex toy stores have kits for impact play beginners which come with different floggers, crops, etc.
And don’t forget: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.
Things to avoid during impact play.
Don’t rush into this kind of play. You need to have patience, go slowly, and be willing to experiment. If you rush in, you might end up getting injured or injuring someone. This will lead you to miss out on a whole lot of fun.
You want to stay away from the lower back literally always. Hitting this area can cause kidney damage. The stomach is also a very sensitive area and should be avoided unless the impact is very light. You also want to stay away from any joints, the neck, or any injuries or body parts that experience chronic pain.
When in doubt: The squishy bits are best. Think: Booty, legs, breasts, and arms.
OK, kinksters! Are you feeling prepared to get your spank on? Go forth and prosper!