QUESTION: Are anal orgasms a real thing or are they a porn trope?

Anal orgasms: Yes, they are real! It is not just a hyped-up porn trope. The anus is a playground of pleasure potential, and anal orgasms can happen without the stimulation of a penis or a vulva.

Lee Phillips, Ed.D., a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist, told me via email that “anal sex is pleasurable because the anus is full of nerve endings just like the clitoris, and this could feel amazing for people, especially if their toys, fingers, or the mouth are involved.”

Having anal orgasms is linked to having other kinds of orgasms, Phillips says. “The nerve endings in the anus are connected to the genitals, so you will also feel the orgasm through the genitals, through your body.”

Let’s break down how anal orgasms happen and some ways you can explore this stimulation for yourself.

Finding the Prostate

The prostate is the goldmine for anal orgasms for people who were assigned male at birth. Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist, says that the prostate is a walnut-sized gland that sits between the penis and the bladder. “And when stimulated, it can be very exciting.”

When the prostate is stimulated, you can have a prostate orgasm. A prostate orgasm “elicits a more full-body orgasm compared to a typical penile ejaculation orgasm,” explains Zachary Zane, a sex expert and author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.

How do you find the prostate to stimulate it? Zane says: “While lying on your back, have your partner insert a finger inside you and make the ‘come hither’ motion,” he says. “Another way to stimulate the prostate is if you’re on your hands and knees (or flat on your stomach). From there, your partner can insert their finger gently (using a lot of lube) and press downwards toward the floor.”

Finding the A-Spot

Because the wall between the rectum and the vagina means they are located so closely, when the anus is penetrated, it can sometimes stimulate the area known as the A-spot (the anterior fornix erogenous zone). Ghose says this happens mainly because “there are many shared nerves in the anus and the vagina.” Thus, stimulation of one can stimulate the other—and vice versa.

The A-spot is part of the internal clitoris. This pleasure center is located near the cervix, on the anterior wall of the vagina. It is the very back end of the internal clitoris. It’s further back than the G-spot (though they’re both part of the clitoris), about 4 to 5 inches in.

This kind of stimulation won’t work for everyone, but it can be fabulous. To stimulate it, a curved toy can be really helpful. This way, it presses up toward the belly button, which can stimulate this area. 

Check out my sex toy guide at TheBody (where I am a columnist, holla) for some recommendations.

Where Rimming Comes Into the Equation

Rimming can also be hugely beneficial for anal pleasure. While it doesn’t stimulate the prostate, the “external anus also has a ton of sensitive nerve endings and can help one have an anal orgasm,” Zane says. “So, getting rimmed is a great thing to start with before getting penetrated by either fingers, toys, or a penis.”

Rimming is also very erotic, Ghose adds. It can also help to warm up the anus before engaging in penetration. If you’re warmed up and ready, your chances of having an orgasm through the anus are vastly increased.

Bring on the Toys

Sex toys are fantastic allies when it comes to maximizing your chances of having an anal orgasm. Ghose warns that pacing is everything when it comes to choosing toys. “Go slow. Start small, like with a pinky first,” she says. “The anus will stretch, but it takes time. And it may be over a longer period of time, not just in one sitting.”

The golden rule for putting toys up your bum? That they are DESIGNED for this purpose. “Make sure the toy has a plug or base on it, or you could lose it inside the anus,” Ghose says. No one wants that!

Phillips suggests investing in a butt plug for anal adventures. “Butt plugs come in silicone, glass, and metal [and are] made to go in the anus for sexual pleasure,” Phillips says. “Since they come in different sizes, they can also be used to get your anus ready for something larger, like a bigger toy or a penis.”

To maximize your chances of having an anal orgasm as a person who was assigned female at birth, it can help to blend the stimulation with a vibrator. Using anal toys in tandem with external clitoral toys, you can create a cyclone of pleasure, which can lead to a blended orgasm. Of course, combining a butt toy with stimulation of the penis can also be glorious.

Pre-Anal and Post-Anal Cleanup Tips

Since we’re discussing bums, cleanup tips are a must. When we feel fresh and ready for anal play, we’re in a much better headspace to receive enough pleasure to get us over the edge to climax.

1. Use the restroom.

Ghose says that having a pre-anal bowel movement is very important because it minimizes the chances of having an accident during the action. While this can happen and is totally normal, it’s also preferable to avoid it, if possible.

2. Clean up before you play.

Having a shower and thoroughly washing your butt crack and the anal opening is a must before anal play. Phillips also says douching can help you feel more prepared by cleaning out the rectum. “Douching involves cleaning internally with water through a nozzle or tube inserted into the anus,” Phillips explains. 

Douching is a personal choice, and while it may be your preferred method, it isn’t necessary to have a good time.

3. Put down a dark towel.

Putting down a dark towel helps to protect your sheets from any mishaps. “Even if you douched prior and think you’re ‘clean,’ shit happens,” Zane says. “Then just go ahead and wash up when you’re done.”

4. Clean your sex toys post-play.

After you finish up having a good time, clean your sex toys thoroughly. You do not want any fluids from the anus sitting on your sex toys. This is unsanitary and can lead to a host of infections.

5. Be prepared to come in contact with some poop.

It is natural and completely OK if poop happens. It can be embarrassing at the moment, but this is simply the reality of the situation. If you’re not prepared to deal with it, you might want to reconsider anal play.

6. Post-anal play cleanup is crucial If you want to have vaginal sex.

“Taking a cleanup break is especially important if you want to have vaginal sex after anal,” Phillips explains. “The vagina and anus have different bacteria, and introducing bacteria from the anus to the vagina can cause a variety of infections, including yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs).”

All pleasure is wonderful, and however you enjoy it, that’s totally OK. Anal pleasure is available to everyone. Go forth, have a good time, and stay curious.

XOXO GIGI

This blog post originally appeared on TheBody