Question: What kind of things have you heard from people about their gag reflex and what they think about it?

In my work in research I've come across this issue time and again - basically your gag reflex happens when some object touches the pharynx.

It's part of the throat behind the nasal cavity, basically right at the back of the throat. This reflexive action is designed to keep us from choking. Meaning, it's a natural bodily reaction and it isn't weird if it happens to you - it would actually be weird if this didn't happen to you.

Mostly, what I’ve heard from people around the internet is that the inability to deep throat can be an annoyance that’s built out of the idea that good blowjobs require to deep throat.

While deep throating can be fun, but it isn't necessary and if you have a sensitive gag reflex, I'd suggest not doing this at all, as you can wind up feeling very nauseous or even throwing up - which is scary and not very sexy.

Others are very insecure about it because they believe they won't be liked or thought of as sexy if they don't deep throat. It's some serious nonsense to be honest.

Deep throating = good blowjob is just another bullshit thing that comes out of mainstream porn - these actresses have spent a ton of time training their throats to be less responsive to a gag reflex. Most of us don't have the time to do this - and shouldn't feel pressured to do this.

You can train your throat to be less receptive to the gag reflex but using oblong objects such as bananas or dildos to practice. It takes practice and patience. If this is something you want to do for yourself because you think it's really hot, good on you - do your thing. But if you think it's a skill you need to learn in order to "please" a partner, I'd ask you to reconsider why putting yourself through such discomfort is important to you.

If someone is having difficulty giving blowjobs because of their gag reflex, I tell them to stop trying to deep throat or swallow a penis. You do not need to do this. Get your hands involved to make up for the extra space between where you mouth can comfortably be full and the base of the penis.

You do not need to be able to deep throat to give a wonderful blow job.

It is absolutely not a good thing to completely lose your gag reflex. You can help to train it by exposure to gagging and learning to help relax the back of your throat but completely losing a gag reflex could result in choking.

Some men enjoy the idea of deep throating - and some women love doing it. But often it’s the intentions that need to be questioned. The “WHY.” Why do you want to deep throat or have some deep throat you? What are you getting out of this experience?

There is so much porn where the scenes are focused on "punish fucking " women and deep throating is often a slice of that mentality. Before you ask someone to deep throat, ask THEM if they enjoy doing that. It's not someone's obligation to do something they find physically uncomfortable just because you're into it. If they like it, great. Enjoy. But you do not have the right to ask them to keep trying, or learn how just because you like it.

XOXO Gigi

This article originally appeared as an interview with Giddy.

Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.