QUESTION: Why are we still so freaked out by sex toys? Why can’t they just be a normal part of friendship, motherhood, and existence?

When I lived at home for a time in 2018, I would get box after box of product. We have a whole area in the garage that was stacks on stacks of vibrators, dildos, anal plugs, and more. What a time to be alive in rural Illinois, eh? 

I first considered giving my mom a sex toy when I was doing some research on toys that would work for people with disabilities. She has severe arthritis and holding things is very difficult for her. I was sent a brief on the Minna Limon, a very small and squishy sex toy which vibration intensity increases the more you squeeze it. This felt like the perfect thing for my mom.

I’ll pause here and say that my family is pretty sex-positive overall. But there were definitely some mixed messages growing up from my mom. Sex was OK, but only if you really love the person. Don’t have sex with a guy too soon, or he won’t want to date you. But I also heard: “Masturbation,” although she never called that, “is normal.” “Sex is fun.” and “Sex is super important in healthy relationships.”

My dad is pretty positive about sex, too. We don’t talk about personal sex stuff, per se (and I am GOOD with that), but he’s openly proud of what I do as a sexual health writer, tells everyone he meets to buy my book (which is raunchy AF), and often sends me lists like “Amazon’s top erotica books of 2020” to “inspire my writing.” It’s pretty dang cute, I’m not going to lie.

I never heard the word “clitoris” growing up, nor was I told about sex toys. I don’t attribute that to my mother being ashamed of sex, but rather the unfortunate remnants of lessons handed down by her militant Catholic mother. I’m pretty sure my mom just didn’t even know what a clitoris was. In fact, I’ve had to do a lot of the educating around sex when it comes to my mom.

I’m not saying you need to give your parents sex toys, but openly acknowledging that we’re all sexual human beings benefits society.

I distinctly remember finding a big purple, scary, plastic, phallic sex toy in my parents’ room at one point, and while I don’t feel awkward about it, I now feel sad that she felt the need to hide it. And back then, there were so few quality, body-safe materials out there that she was using something cheap—and possibly unsafe. (Truth be told, I don’t have an opinion on the purple penis part; everyone likes what they like!)

So when I gave my mom the Minna Lemon, she was seriously over-the-moon.

XOXO GIGI

This article originally appeared as a feature on Swell.