QUESTION: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP TIPS FOR GIVING ORAL SEX TO A WOMAN?

ENCOURAGEMENT IS #1

Women aren’t openly encouraged to expect or enjoy oral sex. Society tells us to put our partner’s pleasure before our own and to be grateful if he or she ~blesses~ us with oral. Not to mention there is an entire industry devoted to selling us products to “freshen” our vulvas and vaginas because they are inherently “gross.” It’s a crappy deal.

Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure she knows how much you want to give her oral sex. Be open about how hot she is and how good she tastes. Making her feel comfortable (and sexy) in her body will help her relax. A relaxed woman is one more likely to experience an orgasm!

ASK HER WHAT SHE LIKES

Showing interest in what brings her pleasure is a huge turn on. Every woman’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Ask her what she wants you to do to her. It definitely makes for some titillating dirty talk. You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball. Ask and then do exactly what she says. If she isn’t sure what she likes … well, there is plenty of room for experimentation. 

STICK TO THE CLITORIS

The clitoris is queen. Always and forever. Never forget it. Have it tattooed to your body if need be. The clitoris is the epicenter of female pleasure. Ignoring it would be like giving a blowjob and not putting a penis in your mouth. It makes no sense. 

The clitoris sits at the top of the inner labia. It is a rosebud shaped button. This is only the part you can see. The entire structure of the clitoris extends back into the walls of the vagina, reaching nearly five inches. The more you know! If you’re concerned about what to do, stay on the external button. You can use one or two fingers to penetrate the vagina, but don’t smash them inside her willy nilly. Ask her if she enjoys penetration during oral sex before trying internal stimulation.

WHEN IN DOUBT, STAY CONSISTENT 

Rhythm, style, and movement. These are important factors during oral sex. We know it can be a bit overwhelming. When in doubt, stick to consistent movement and rhythm. You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion. You’ll know you’re doing it right if you listen to her body.

LISTEN TO HER BODY

Pay attention to both verbal and physical cues. If she’s pushing her vulva into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working. If she’s pulling away or dead silent, try something else. You can always ask! Her body will tell you a lot about how she’s feeling. Don’t just space out and do whatever you think she might like. Be detail oriented. 

MAKE SOME NOISE

This isn’t the movie theatre. Make some noise! This goes along with pre-oral encouragement. When you’re downtown, make noise. She wants to know that you want to be down there. We often get into our heads and think, “Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm.” Moan into her vulva. Let her know you’re a willing and excited participant. You can even take a two second break to tell her how good she tastes. She’ll appreciate knowing you’re having as good of a time as she.

TAKE HER TO A SECOND ORGASM (BUT BE GENTLE)

Not every woman is multi-orgasmic, but this can still be a super pleasurable tip for one and all. After she has an orgasm, don’t let her squirrel away from you. Grab her by the hips and keep going. The clitoris may be too sensitive for direct contact right away. Kiss and nibble her inner thighs. Move in to gently tease her labia with your tongue. After a few minutes, switch to direct clitoral contact again. She may squirm, but if she’ll let you -- start all over again. Trust us, she will thank you later. Nothing is sexier than a partner who wants to make a woman orgasm multiple times. This last trick won't be for everyone and if she asks you to stop, obviously you should listen. Good sex, oral or otherwise, only comes with good communication.

XOXO GIGI

This article originally appeared as an interview with Mind Body Green.