QUESTION: What are your best oral sex tips for women?

Encouragement is #1

Women aren’t openly encouraged to expect or enjoy oral sex. Society tells us to put our partner’s pleasure before our own and to be grateful if he or she ~blesses~ us with oral. Not to mention there is an entire industry devoted to selling us products to “freshen” our vulvas and vaginas because they are inherently “gross.” It’s a crappy deal.

Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure she knows how much you want to give her oral sex. Be open about how hot she is and how good she tastes. Making her feel comfortable (and sexy) in her body will help her relax. A relaxed woman is one more likely to experience an orgasm!

Ask her what she likes

Showing interest in what brings her pleasure is a huge turn on. Every woman’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Ask her what she wants you to do to her. 

It definitely makes for some titillating dirty talk. You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball. Ask and then do exactly what she says. If she isn’t sure what she likes … well, there is plenty of room for experimentation. 

When in doubt, stay consistent 

Rhythm, style, and movement. These are important factors during oral sex. We know it can be a bit overwhelming. When in doubt, stick to consistent movement and rhythm. You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion. The clitoris is the center of everything - but don't be afraid to engage the entire vulva, such as the inner and outer labia, the mons pubis (great for pressure if you place your palm on it), and a little tongue f*cking can be very hot for those who enjoy it - the entrance to the vagina is packed with nerve-endings.

Pay attention to her body

Pay attention to both verbal and physical cues. If she’s pushing her vulva into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working. If she’s pulling away or dead silent, try something else. You can always ask! Communication is lubrication.

Make some noise

This isn’t the movie theatre. Make some noise! This goes along with pre-oral encouragement. When you’re downtown, make noise. She wants to know that you want to be down there. We often get into our heads and think, “Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm.” 

Moan into her vulva. Let her know you’re a willing and excited participant. You can even take a two second break to tell her how good she tastes. She’ll appreciate knowing you’re having as good of a time as she.

XOXO Gigi

This article originally appeared as an interview with Women’s Day.
Order the book: All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.