QUESTION: If consent is sexy … how can I ask for it in a way that isn’t awkward?
It’s important to provide examples of someone asking for sexual consent and another person responding in a realistic manner.
For situations like a first kiss, oral, PIV sex, moving PIV to anal, trying out a fetish?
With any sex act, asking for consent in a realistic way can be executed the same way: "I'd really like to X, would it be OK if I did X?"
A fetish is a bit more complicated, in that for a person to give consent to be involved in a fetish, they need to have a full understanding of what they are consenting to. So, you'd say, for example: "I really have a sexual interest in feet. This means I ca [insert why you like them] out of it. Would you be open to letting me do [insert thing] to your feet?"
How to respond when you haven’t received consent … and how to handle the rejection well.
Obviously hearing a no in a sexual situation is an ego-blow - it doesn't feel amazing, but it's also just a part of se (and life) and we need to have reasonable expectations around it. You should go into all sexual experiences knowing that there is a chance of someone saying no and being prepared for that. It isn't a personal attack, it's simply someone asserting their boundaries.
Don't yuck anyone else's yum, but that doesn't mean someone needs to do anything they aren't into. If someone gives you a 'No' (and they will, at some points!) just say, "OK! No worries. Want to do X thing instead?" or you can say "Sure, no problem. What would you feel comfortable doing?" Getting defensive will not serve you. Simply take the no and move on with your life. Treat others the way that you want to be treated.