Ask Gigi: How Do I Get Closure?
Welcome to Ask Gigi, an advice column where certified sex coach and writer, Gigi Engle, answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes to anal, unrequited love to cheating: we want to hear it all.
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I recently got dumped, the breakup was a complete blindside and after an amazing weekend together. He never gave me any reasons as to why we broke up. Just lots of maybes and redirecting the conversation. It’s been three months and I feel as though I will never get closure. What do you suggest I do to move on? I feel as though I can’t without knowing and I know he wouldn’t give me direct answers if I reached out anyways- Need closure badly.
First, let me say that I totally know where you’re coming from. We have all been in relationships that ended in ghosting out of nowhere that left us confused and totally emotionally frazzled.
I hate to say it, but this is a closed coffin. This relationship is over. Unfortunately, we don’t always get closure and that’s just the way life is. I’m really sorry that this sucks and you feel like crap - we’ve all been there. I promise. The thing is, you’re not entitled to closure - you deserve it, but no one is entitled to give it to you. It’s something people SHOULD have the decency to give to people they’ve dated, but they aren’t really obligated to do it. This guy is a dick and isn’t worth the space in your brain. I know, easier said than done.
The only thing you can do is take some time to heal and then get yourself back out there on the dating scene.
When you meet someone really great (and I promise you will), you will look back on this and realize it wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought it was. I know that sounds batshit crazy right now, but I promise you it’s true.
I absolutely swear to you that if you reach out, you will not get the answers you want and will look super desperate. It’s not a good look. It will not only leave you feeling worse, it will give him power over you in a really uncomfortable way.
I wish I could give you the answers you want, but I can’t. This is the cold hard truth. I wish you all the best - sending you lots of love.
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