Ask Gigi: Can I Make Masturbation More Fun?
Welcome to Ask Gigi, a bi-monthly column in which sex and relationships writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes to anal, unrequited love to cheating: we want to hear it all.
For questions on relationships, sex, or anything else, email Gigi at firstname.lastname@example.org
I love your articles and your advice. I know you talk a lot about both partner sex along with some forms of solo sex, but the question I have for you is:
How can I make solo sex just as fun as partner sex and change it up?
I have a few vibrators (and always want more, like have had my eyes on those clit sucking vibrators, do tell me if they are as amazing as my fantasy makes them out to be)?! I really want to make sure it isn't dull and am looking to try something new. Any advice?
Thanks for writing in. Lord knows, I love me some good old masturbation. I’m delighted that you’re committed to self-love; that fills me with such joy. Too few women openly masturbate with enough regularity, let alone actually buy sex toys and talk about it. Snaps for you. You’re badass.
Instead of trying to make your solo sessions “as good as partner sessions,” try to first remind yourself that they are completely different experiences. Playing the compare and contrast game is only going to leave you wonting in both departments: when you’re with a dude you’ll wish you could just be alone with your vibrator because you’re guaranteed and orgasm and when you’re with your vibe, you’ll wish you had the weight of a man on top of you; getting all that tasty man-smell.
I’ve made this mistake myself. We all have. Humans are never satisfied with anything and when it comes to sex, it’s a whole other realm of vulnerability and tendency towards dissatisfaction. When we masturbate, we want to be empowered, but we still let that little voice creep in that says, “Wouldn't this be better with a boyfriend?”
Fuck that voice. It ruins everything.
I think of masturbation as a personal therapy session, rather than a stand in for partner sex. It keep the two things separate. Neither thing is necessarily better than the other; both are extremely important and I couldn’t live without either.
Once you’ve made that distinction in your mind and regulated the acts as two separate entities, it’s easier to focus on making masturbation a lot better. I hear you when you say you want to change things up. Lying on your back with your legs butterflied, holding a finger vibe on your clitoris is fun and all, but it can get a bit monotonous.
Changing it up means being playful and taking some risks. You’re not with another person, which means you can literally do anything you want to do. No one is there to make you feel self-conscious. If something feels good, do it. I’ve even utilized my bathroom door: I used a chair to reach the top and hang from it to restrict blood flow while grinding for more intense orgasms.
(P.S. sorry to all my houseguests for that bit of unsolicited information).
I wrote a comprehensive piece on fun and interesting masturbation positions all women need to try. Definitely check that out for some ideas. I even pushed myself out of my own box to come up with a few of those ideas and they were FUN to try.
I’m stoked you have a big collection of vibes, too. Every single vibrator is different. I too have an endless collection. Some girls have shoes, some girls have vibrators. I deal in orgasms. It’s fine.
If you’re looking for a new one to try, I definitely recommend the Womanizer. People are losing their shit over it. It simulates oral sex, just like the clit sucking vibes you’re thinking of. It comes in a variety of types, but the Pro is the cheaper one.
I also LOVE the Vesper from Crave. It’s a sleek vibe that you can wear as a necklace. It is both pretty and powerful. It’s one of the best vibrators I’ve ever used and I’m obsessed with it. I just launched a box of toys with Unbound. It’s a literal “Gigi” box and it’s centered around PUSSY POWER, so if you’re looking to try the Crave along with pretty much every toy I use myself, get yourself that for Valentine’s Day. Who says you need a man to buy you gifts?
Last but not least, make yourself a BANGIN’ playlist. I made one for all my ladies out there. You can find that here. I also recommend the Femme Fatale playlist on Spotify. When it comes to masturbation, there is no wrong way to do it and no limit to the amount of things you can try. Just experiment with a bunch of different things and live your life. Masturbation is the stuff dreams are made of.
Love your favorite internet auntie,