Welcome to Ask Gigi, an advice column where sex and relationships writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes to anal, unrequited love to cheating: we want to hear it all.
For questions on relationships, sex, or anything else, email Gigi at firstname.lastname@example.org
I have been with the same partner for nine years, and married for the last six.
I have often been fascinated by women who can squirt in porn. I will admit that I have never witnessed the female “ejaculate” first hand. I have however, experienced drenched sheets.
With that in mind: Is it possible for women to squirt? And if so, I know that not every woman can squirt. I have been asking my partner that we try, but they seem to think that it is impossible and isn’t even willing to experiment.
Your expert advice would be greatly welcomed!
Thanks for writing in with this question. Many people are confused about female ejaculation and often have no idea how to make it happen, if you can make it happen, or if it’s even a real thing. Many people, even in these modern times, think it’s myth.
Let’s start with whether or not women can ejaculate. The answer is: YES.
All women have the physical ability to ejaculate, but not all women DO ejaculate. Female ejaculation starts in the G-spot – which is less of a spot and more of an area. It is comprised of the back of the pubic bone, the apex of the clitoris, the Skene’s glans, and the urethral sponge (which are super close to each other and hard to differentiate). It’s kind of just all over that area, which can be perplexing, you know? Like, it is so expansive, it can be intimidating.
Here is the rundown on G-spot orgasms: Some women find pleasurable feelings in having their G-spot stimulated, which can result in ejaculation. Others do not enjoy this stimulation in any capacity and even find it annoying or painful. For other women, they enjoy some light or medium G-spot play, but not enough where they could be stimulated to expel fluid.
There is back and forth about what makes up female ejaculate. There is this pervasive (and frankly fucking weird) idea that female ejaculate is pee. Now, there are actually some interesting and logical reasons for this incorrect thinking so, I can’t fault people who don’t know better. Female ejaculate is expelled through the urethra, the same place where urine comes out. I know, kind of weird. You’d expect it to come out of the vagina the way male ejaculate comes out of the head of the penis, right?
Not the case.
The other big similarity is that female come contains uric acid, one of the components of urine. It is NOT urine. It is different in that it only occurs during orgasm and is a result of sexual pleasure. You don’t pee yourself during sex if you ejaculate.
Ejaculate is a clear fluid expelled from the urethral sponge when a woman has a deep G-spot orgasm. Now, every woman has a urethral sponge, but not every woman’s urethral sponge will expel its fluid, even during G-spot orgasm.
What does that mean? You might be wondering. The short version: Bodies are weird and all super different. That’s pretty much it.
So, is it possible that your partner can squirt? Yes, it is possible. The only way to find out for sure is to play with G-spot stimulation and monitor the results. If she doesn’t enjoy G-spot stimulation at all, she’s not going to squirt. She may also love it and not squirt. You’ll just have to see.
You say she doesn’t think it’s possible. Show her this column. It IS possible. It just might not be something her body does. Since you’ve experienced so much wetness, my guess would be that she might be squirting and isn’t aware of it. You’ll have to … see for yourself. *wink wink*
To locate the G-spot area, place your middle and forefinger into the first third of the vagina. Behind the pubic bone there should be a patch that has the texture of corduroy or a walnut. You can use different pressures, a vibrating G-spot toy, fingers, or a heavier G-spot toy (such as one made of glass) to experiment with this area.
Try combining this internal stimulation with stimulation of the clitoral glans. Many women need simultaneous touching to orgasm, squirt, or a combination of the two. Again, this will take some trial and error. Openly communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t. This is not about hurting anyone’s feelings. It’s about sexual liberation and having more orgasms.
Give it time. If it doesn’t happen, don’t see it as a failure. It’s just another sexy experience for you and your partner. Sex is a journey that never really ends. Learning a new thing about someone’s body can be incredibly sexy.
And remember, things you see in porn are not real life. Porn actresses actually put water up their vaginas, hold it, and release it when the camera is ready. Squirting isn’t some firehose thing that floods the bedroom. Whenever you’re watching porn, remind yourself that it is, for all intents and purposes, theatre.
Best of luck, squirting pioneer!
This column originally appeared on Your Sexual PSA, where Gigi serves as the resident sex educator.